Agoraphobia or: How I Learned to Start Worrying and Love the Basement.

Vacation: va⋅ca⋅tion [vey-key-shuhn] -noun. Leisure time devoted to rest or pleasure.

Ah yes.

Rest. And pleasure. Two things that I was promised when I agreed to tag along for a nice Memorial Day weekend in Hagerstown, MD. Why Hagerstown, you ask? Well, el D’s coworker, Fred, offered up a 150-year old house for he and Deporter to stay in and get away from it all. Not exactly the beach…but hey, it’s something. So into the Zipcar I jump.

A couple hours later, we arrive at our destination.

Wireless and lunchless.

Thanks to technology, I’m able to update you Ramblers as I roll up I-95 towards NYC on the Boltbus. Free Wi-Fi on a moving charter. Amazing.

Here’s my update.

I’m sitting directly in front of a large man who, from what I can gather, is having a very vivid dream about intercourse. Put it another way, he’s starring in his own nocturnal porno. The moans are becoming increasingly loud and inappropriate. Particularly inappropriate given that there is a 3-year old little boy across the aisle from him.

There is a girl in the bathroom puking her guts out.

That is all.

On the Road – Part One: If Nature Had Intended Us To Fly…

Well, folks…since Mylephnt didn’t put so much effort into reporting from the Golden State, I guess I’ve got to step up. Yes, I too am in California. I’m here to spread the word. The gospel. But before I can change young people’s lives…I have to, you know…get here. Oh what fun!

I can pretty much sum up my travels so far in three simple, but life-long lessons:

1. there’s other people out there with just as good taste in television as us Ramblers…you just have to be seated next to them on the plane;
2. if you don’t just flip though the SkyMall catalogue, but you look…and I mean really look, you will find some of the funniest shit you’ve ever seen; and
3. American Airlines operates like a well-oiled machine. That is, if you happen to be in the market for a machine that is built primarily for ass-fucking.

I have a delicate system, okay???

Look. I never said I was perfect. Yeah, I’m a pretty cool dog, I suppose. I’ve tagged along with Mylephnt to a few Panic shows, some mountain climbing, a few camping trips in the pacific northwest. I’ve even been to the Ramble. No, not this lame ass website all you lilly-white yuppies frequent. I’m talking about the real Ramble. I’m talking Levon. And no, I didn’t actually make it into the show, thank you very much. I sat my hairy ass out in the minivan for three hours while everyone else was inside getting drunk on bourbon ‘n cokes and listening to some good music. But did I complain? No. I took it like a man. I even kept el Duderino company when he came out to take a break from the show. Not really sure what that was about. Something about the piano player getting douched with a cup of Evan Williams. Doesn’t matter. Anyway…

Quantum physics.

Photo courtesy of calvo

Not long after beginning my trip to Louisiana, I was once again reminded of something that I often wonder about when traveling out of DC.

Why aren’t the Metro turnstiles at National Airport just a little bit wider than at every other station?

Just sayin’…

yes…i know this isn’t a pic of the DCA turnstiles. it’s called using a “file photo”. deal with it.

Poker – 2007 recap

The regular poker games began last January and we’ve had the last event of 2007. It is safe to say that I lost more than I won, but I ate a lot of pizz in between. I’ve got 12 hours of plane flights and a poker widget, so I’m looking for a better 2008.