In a material world.

One of my least favorite activities is air travel. While I may attract respect on the ground from both canine and human alike, in the sky it’s a different matter. When I fly, I don’t get the enjoy the luxuries that all of you do. I’m treated like cargo. Shoved in a cramped box and stowed down below with the luggage. Which is why I wasn’t looking forward to the move out to the west coast some months ago. Apparently, I had become too much of a burden in DC. Mylephnt drove me out to Dulles one morning to ship me off to E.

Now normally, I’d have to sit down in the plane’s bowels with nothing to amuse myself than spitting my water at the great dane next to me or just licking myself. As luck would have it, though, this time someone left me a copy of the SkyMall catalogue. Hey, it’s something.

As you may remember, some time ago, the Dude recapped a trip he had taken out west. He promised all of you a feature on the worthless shit being peddled out of SkyMall. He’s clearly not getting it done. So allow me to step in and highlight some of the more interesting products. After the jump, things that make me glad I don’t have any money.

And yes, I’m aware it’s been several months since my trip. You try typing with two paws, asshole.

Bring it, Stabby. I dare you.

It seems somebody’s been having a little fun in the bathroom at our favorite watering hole. It happened like this, see…

The Dude was standing there relieving himself one night and started to feel a little nostalgic about the days when we were all together. Those were the days, alright. Good times. Sensing a chance to pay homage to yours truly, his dudeness added a ‘lil sum-sum right above the toilet. It simply read, “I miss ‘Ol Timber”, a not-so-vague reference to another Raven regular, ‘Ol Stabby. Short, but sweet. But if there’s one thing Raven clientele has no respect for, it’s others’ musings. After the jump, some shit you simply have to see to believe…

This just in…

I might soil the rug from time to time, but I’m like 50 times smarter than all you crackers. Read about it.

From the Department of Great Ideas

Reason to move to California #147: better vending machines. 

I have a delicate system, okay???

Look. I never said I was perfect. Yeah, I’m a pretty cool dog, I suppose. I’ve tagged along with Mylephnt to a few Panic shows, some mountain climbing, a few camping trips in the pacific northwest. I’ve even been to the Ramble. No, not this lame ass website all you lilly-white yuppies frequent. I’m talking about the real Ramble. I’m talking Levon. And no, I didn’t actually make it into the show, thank you very much. I sat my hairy ass out in the minivan for three hours while everyone else was inside getting drunk on bourbon ‘n cokes and listening to some good music. But did I complain? No. I took it like a man. I even kept el Duderino company when he came out to take a break from the show. Not really sure what that was about. Something about the piano player getting douched with a cup of Evan Williams. Doesn’t matter. Anyway…