I hadn’t seen this: http://peopleofwalmart.com/. I’m very disappointed in Trickle’s failure to point this out to me first.

Caption Contest: Special Sunday Edition

Because it’s the Fourth of July…and Palin is still a wingnut.

As always, a little slap to get things started…

You look so handsome, Levi.  But I swear to God, if you ever cross me…I will throw this election, resign my office, and come after you. Mkay?

Specifically, Tubbs.

“I think Sarah Palin is on the verge of becoming the Miami Vice of American politics: Something a lot of people once thought was cool and then 20 years later look back, shake their heads and just kind of laugh.” – Republican strategist Todd Harris

ANALogies.

And by anal, I mean Palin pulled this one from her butt. Here she is being defended by her spokeperson “Meg”, who also tries to tie Sarahcuda’s decision to walk out on all Alaskans to bocce ball or something.

What’s great is that Anderson Cooper doesn’t know fuck all about sports (or so he says) and is therefore allowed to say exactly what everyone else is thinking: “Lady, what the shit are you talking about?” Pay particular attention around the 4:40 mark.

Is anyone else reminded of the phone scene between Brian Fantana and Ron Burgandy in “Anchorman”?

[Wonkette]

Beg your pardon?

John Friedman over at 23/6 has posted some pretty funny backdrops to top Palin’s turkey-pardoning last week. Here’s a taste.

Are we going to hell? Most likely…but it has nothing to do with this post.

BTW…Palin is, like, totally denying she knew there was a snuff film going on behind her.

Thursday Thought Bubble Contest

From the makers of the incredibly popular tolerable Tuesday Caption Contest, comes a mid-season spinoff…the Thursday Thought Bubble Contest!

Here’s your pilot pic…

Have fun. Be careful.

[photo courtesy of HuffPo]

Eliza Doolittle.

Do-VERY-little.

Drill Baby Drill.

Terry Tate is back. Thank god.

[Cajun Boy In the City]

also a h/t to Earthquake.

Truth to power.

The wall of power.

Yeah, so…we’ve been told you did something wrong. So we need to investigate. You know…Caesar’s wife and all that.

Well, I don’t recognize your authority on the matter.

See, thing is…we’re the body of elected officials that legislate in this state. We definitely have authority. It’s a checks and balances thing. You understand.

Hmm, yeah…I don’t think so. I’d rather be investigated by a lower-level body. You know, people that I appoint…that I have sway over. I think that’d be best. Yeah.

That’s actually a terrible idea. But thanks for the suggestion. Anywho…we need to get started. So if you could just answer a few questions for us…

Sorry. I’m busy. But good luck with that.

Are you sure you really wan-

I SAID THANKS BUT NO THANKS!!!

Ooookay…suit yourself.

10 minutes later…

Hi there. So…we finished our investigation.

Well whaddaya know! I finished my investigation, too!

I’m sorry? You conducted your own investigation?

You betcha! And after questioning myself, I’ve determined that I did nothing wrong. So it’s all good. But thanks anyway!

Uh-huh. Well here in the real world, we’ve determined that you actually broke the rules.

But you didn’t even get my side of story!

——

…aaaaand scene.

Stay out of my state. Period.

From the Omaha World Herald…

“Palin’s visit to Nebraska comes as national polls show that McCain is struggling in the presidential race. It also comes as Obama makes a historic bid to win one of Nebraska’s electoral votes – the first time a Democrat has competed in this Republican stronghold in four decades.

Democrats and others have said Palin’s visit to Nebraska indicates that McCain can’t even count on traditional red states like Nebraska this year.

Palin denied that, saying she asked to come to the Midwest.

‘The pundits were saying, Check out where she’s going. She’s going to Nebraska. The pundits were saying, The only reason she would be going there is because they’re scared. They have to shore up votes,’ Palin said.

‘I so wanted to reach into that TV and say no. I’m going to Nebraska because I want to go to Nebraska,’ Palin said.”

————————

First of all, nobody goes to Nebraska because they want to go to Nebraska.  I would know.  Own up and tell the great people of Nebraska that you are there because you and your running mate are scared shitless that you are about to lose the presidency to a black man with terrorist ties.  That’s right, your proverbial goose is slowly cooking. You stopped off in Nebraska to campaign for one measly electoral vote in a solidly red state.  Sad.

Second, I had never made this connection before but seeing some dumbass present Palin with a University of Nebraska – Omaha Mavericks Hockey jersey really killed me.  Why?  Because it made me resent my darling little niece in this picture…

It says “ador-a-bull:  Future UNO alum.”   My niece is still ador-a-bull, but now I associate the UNO Mavericks with a bat-shit-crazy wolf hunter from Alaska.  Sigh.   Puppykiller Palin ‘08.

Deporter, out.

Moose in the headlights

Really?  Really?  This might be old news, but I just saw this.  And by the way, is this Couric interview ten days long or what?  Every time I browse around the internet there is a new clip of moose-for-brains in that ridiculous pink suit blabbing incoherently about loose nukes, Pakistan, the bailout, and moose jerky.

I need two things from potential VP Palin:

1.  I need her to speak in complete sentences.  There is clearly something in the beauty pageant manual about stammering about and then trailing off when you don’t know how to answer a question.   How is “everywhere like such as” different from “(mid-sentence) maybe I would take issue with but…(trail off).”  What the F are you saying?  String together a noun and a verb, then pause.  Rinse and repeat.  Throw in an adjective if you are feeling frisky.  Not that hard.

2.  I need someone in the #2 spot that has at least thought about the issues of our day prior to being VP.  Honestly.  Anyone.  Someone off the street that has, oh, I don’t know, read a paper in the past 20 years, and sat there and thought about what they read.  Maybe discussed it with a friend or a co-worker.  Maybe took a position on it.  Anything.  Just some indication that she has the ability to analyze an issue.  Any issue.

Ugh.

Deporter, out.

Lower back pain.

If the bar set by the Republican nominee for VP were a limbo stick, we’d all devolve into invertebrates.

…

Too arcane a reference this early in the week? Ah screw it, just watch this…

Heads up: If a former host of The Today Show feels inclined to ask you on national television what newspapers and magazines you’ve been reading to stay informed on the world around you…

…and you can’t even name any,

YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO LEAD A SMALL CHOIR.

[TPM]

Palin Space. (Updated)

Not to be confused with ‘airspace’.

I threw this together tonight. I think it accurately portrays what it must be like sitting in a room with the Governor.

NOW UPDATED!!! (per Elbows’ suggestion)

Tuesday Caption Contest

courtesy of AP

As always, I’ll give you a push…

So…let me get this straight. You’re saying you can see Russia from your house?  Wow! Wait…just the country, right? Not actual Russians. Still though…I thought I had you beat there for a sec. But, yeah…I uhhh…I got nothing.

The Palin Doctrine: Dumb as I wanna be

"I'd like to phone a friend please, Charlie..."

I hope all you Ramblers caught our favorite moose-huntin’, snowmobilin’, ear-markin’, Alaskin’ governor on Charlie Gibson last night. How many cringe-worthy moments were there, you ask? Ahhh…too many to count. But among all the inaccuracies, spins, half-truths, and flat out lies, there were two aspects that were particularly disturbing:

1. the sheer amount of times the Governor said Charlie’s name, and
2. her blatant mispronunciation of the word “nuclear”

Now, I could give you my thoughts on how her failure to properly pronounce that word might cause us all to give pause, given that she could very well be in charge of our arsenal on January 21. But why bother? Our pal Dennis Miller already covered that ground in his 1988 masterpiece, The Off-White Album. Listen for yourself…