Karl is a genius.

from pilikipedia.co.uk

I was re-listening to some Ricky Gervais the other day. As usual, Ricky and Steve were making fun or Karl (aka the bald headed manc). Karl was going on about an idea he had whereby you could take a old lady (78) and inject her with something and she would get younger and younger til she died at nine months as a baby. The point being that you (and your family) wouldn’t be scared of death. Of course, this “idea” was disregarded as completely mental, ridiculous idea, etc. And, who wouldn’t agree?

Well, as I was listening and agreeing to myself that this was a stupid idea, I realized that it is also the plot of one of the worst movies to ever get nominated for an Oscar – Benjamin Buttons. Karl was channelling F. Scott Fitzgerald and an critically-acclaimed movie. So, it seems that Karl was on to something.

Maybe he has the solution to the impacts of climate change: “They keep saying that sea levels are rising an all this. It’s nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it’s because there’s too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.”

Right over your head, son…

“He’s a mail intern.”

“How can you tell?”

“Didn’t you see his little balls?”

So over at Spotted: DC Summer Interns, there’s some pretty good stuff to read.  It’s basically just an Overheard in DC, but dedicated to the incredibly dumb things interns say/do.

Well yesterday, a contributor recounted a story from a the Capitol South Starbucks, where an intern was under the impression that working for a congressman entitled them to free coffee. As you can imagine, awkward hilarity ensued. I enjoyed the story and posted a comment to give kudos.

I also wanted to show the contributor that I appreciated the fact that they posted at all, in light of the fact that they themselves claimed to be an intern. I find that respectable. In fact, I wanted to stress to other readers how the poster’s use of a certain $10 word was more telling than anything. Here was my comment…

Good story. And I have full faith in your disclosure that you yourself are an intern. For two reasons:

1) Someone who wasn’t an intern would never claim to be, and

2) Your use of ‘plethora’. That’s a dead giveaway. I hear an intern try to work that word into a sentence at least once a day.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A PLETHORA EEEEEEEES???

I apparently misjudged the audience’s (or at least the poster’s) penchant for Short/Chase/Martin collaborations. Because here’s the response that came later:

I can tell that you are not an intern because, at least in my office, individuals can communicate in a way that renders no need to accentuate “is” as “EEEEEEEES?” in order to amplify a point. In addition to our proper usage of the english language, and words such as plethora, we find it easier to use our intelligence to prove a point, as opposed to CAPITALIZATION. Perhaps one day you can learn how to write properly by interning here in D.C. too, or maybe someday when you grow up and are in high school you can take an SAT prep course and learn about big words like “plethora”.

Nice try, coffee boy.

Movie reference fail.

New movies: Do we need ‘em?

Alright. Karl here. Just returned from Boston, USA. Was there with me mate, Ricky. He’s shooting his new film, This Side of the Truth. Don’t really know what it’s about. Don’t really care. If you ask me there’s too many movies out there. When was the first movie made? I think it was like, in the 1800’s or summat. Dunno. Anyway, there’s probably hundreds out there. Maybe even thousands. I’m sayin’, what haven’t they covered yet? It’s all been done before. Forget it. If you ask me, you shouldn’t be able to make a new movie until you’ve seen all the old ones. When a director or a writer goes to a studio and says, “I wanna make a film,” the first thing they should ask him is, “Have you seen every other movie ever made? No? Then what are you doing here?”

I’m not sure people know what goes into a movie. It’s mental. Just tons of actors, extras, sets, costumes. And that’s just the stuff you see on the screen. Then there’s the crew, the caterers, the lawyers. Some people paid just to stand around for hours a day. Months at a time. Too much hassle. Why make a new one? Go to a Blockbuster and rent an old one. Save everyone the time and money. Let people get on with their lives. Especially me. I went out to America because I thought I was going to be giving Ricky some ideas for the plot. Maybe helping Clive Warren and Rebecca DeMornay with their characters. But they’re not even in the film. Turns out I wasn’t even there to help. I was just meant to play a bald caveman. I’ve said enough. Just watch these clips. You can see for yourself.

I got back to London to see an interesting bit of news on the internet. Well, actually it was a few days old. So it wasn’t actually news. It was olds. Anyway…finally, people are starting to agree with me that they’re too many words out there. I could go on. But…there’s too many words out there. Said before. So just read it for yourself.

Stallone Likes McCain. I think.

From Time.com:

Karen Ballard /Lionsgate /AP

Rambo, Rocky star: Life is “a rough action film, and you need somebody who’s been in that to deal with it.”

Soooooooo…..we should elect someone who’s been in action films? Pretty sure a couple of states tried that already. Results are mixed.

h/t to Mylephnt for the article.

Yeah, they’re shitty lawyers…but at least they’re unethical.

Just got through watching “The Corporation“, a 2003 documentary that examines the birth of…well…the corporation. Sorry, that was unavoidable. There aren’t any good synonyms for ‘corporation’. Anyway, there’s not much presented, other than anecdotal pieces, that you didn’t already know. Corporations started out as groups of people with charters from local governments to carry out very specific tasks. Today, well…you know the rest.

Some of the stories are pretty disconcerting. Alot of them seem to revolve around Monsanto. Jesus, can these guys net $5 without fucking something up? I tell ya…there’s really nothing quite like a bloody, pus-covered, oversized utter being dragged through feces-laden mud, to get me thirsty for a big glass of milk. All the big players get mentioned: Enron, GE, Shell, IBM, Hannah Montana, et al. Queue a few minutes of Michael Moore, Howard Zinn, and Noam Chomsky and boom…you got yourself a film.

But what I’m betting you haven’t seen before is this wiggler. This was hands down, the most awkward scene in the movie. It’s a VP of Pfizer trying to convince the filmmakers that his company is actually doing some good in the community. All he really manages to do is show how out of touch he is with everyday life. But not only are the new-fangled devices he’s taking credit for neither ‘new’ nor ‘fangled’ but they’re clearly already being ignored. Watch as he tries to demonstrate the intercom system (which you just know is not going to work). “Ahhh…hello hello? Tom Kline speaking.” As if the rent-a-cop (who’s clearly not listening on the other end) gives baker’s fuck who it is. Silence.

Now I know where Christopher Guest gets the inspiration for his characters. More after the jump.

If only I had my own war…

“Why is Congress saying one thing and doing nothing?” – Politician.
“Tradition, mostly” – Rep. Charlie Wilson.
- Charlie Wilson’s War (2007)

Just saw Charlie Wilson’s War last night. A fine movie that sort of synopsizes when the U.S. purports to do foreign policy right and when it clearly does it wrong. I won’t give away much more than that. You can read the reviews elsewhere.

What’s more interesting to me is thinking of movies not all that removed from Charlie Wilson’s War.

Like Jung – a documentary about an Italian medical team’s efforts to operate mobile hospitals in Afghanistan during the ongoing civil war between the Taliban and the Northern Alliance following the withdrawal of the former Soviet Union. Might make a nice sequel to Charlie Wilson’s War because it shows the aftermath of U.S. involvement in Afghanistan. Which appeared to be no involvement at all, really.

Or like – get this – Red Dawn. Yeah, I said it. Here’s the plot: during the 80’s, the Soviet Union invades a largely agrarian population surrounded by mountains. The Soviets compromise the local governments, round up the locals, and commit atrocities with the same Hind helicopters that appear in Charlie Wilson’s War.

Afghanistan, you say? Nope. Colorado. Calumet, Colorado to be exact. A guerrilla movement starts – with Jennifer Grey, Lea Thompson, C. Thomas Howell, Charlie Sheen, Patrick Swayze, Powers Booth, and a couple of other guys I’ve completely forgotten about. (But not Harry Dean Stanton. No one should forget the acting genius of Harry Dean Stanton). Note that Red Dawn was released at the height of the Afghan resistance to the Soviet occupation there. If the more Americans knew about our involvement in Afghanistan at the time, Red Dawn might have been a rallying call of support. So Red Dawn is a kind of parable to which Americans would have been able to relate. Or something.

And then there’s the made for TV mini-series about 9-11. No, not the 9-11 Commission Hearings – The Path to 9-11.

Now, a disclaimer – take this mini-series for what its worth and don’t take any suggestion from this post that I identify with all of its content. It’s just an attempt, however biased, to re-tell how 9-11 happened in the similar sense that Charlie Wilson’s War hints at the same. Please, no Fox News epitaphs. Not endorsing the movie. Just consider it a not-so-great but interesting three-quel to Charlie Wilson’s War and Jung.

Enough said.