Chimpanzee that…my monkey baby news

It seems that the movies aren’t the only media taking their cues from the man-whose-head-is-shaped-like-a-f#%king-orange. A new TV show has to be seen to be believed. According to the website:

“With her pink bedroom, a designer wardrobe, the latest toys, games and makeup, Jessica Marie is like any spoiled little girl… Except that she’s a monkey. Just what makes a couple take on a 40-year commitment to an eternal toddler? How strong is the parent/monkey bond? And can a monkey really become a child substitute? It’s an extraordinary look into the real lives of people parenting monkeys in America.”

tlc.com

Really.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH1jhhpQ_bo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uP4k1imPy54

http://www.tv.com/my-monkey-baby/show/77343/summary.html

Karl is a genius.

from pilikipedia.co.uk

I was re-listening to some Ricky Gervais the other day. As usual, Ricky and Steve were making fun or Karl (aka the bald headed manc). Karl was going on about an idea he had whereby you could take a old lady (78) and inject her with something and she would get younger and younger til she died at nine months as a baby. The point being that you (and your family) wouldn’t be scared of death. Of course, this “idea” was disregarded as completely mental, ridiculous idea, etc. And, who wouldn’t agree?

Well, as I was listening and agreeing to myself that this was a stupid idea, I realized that it is also the plot of one of the worst movies to ever get nominated for an Oscar – Benjamin Buttons. Karl was channelling F. Scott Fitzgerald and an critically-acclaimed movie. So, it seems that Karl was on to something.

Maybe he has the solution to the impacts of climate change: “They keep saying that sea levels are rising an all this. It’s nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it’s because there’s too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.”

Chimpanzee that…

From Talkingpointsmemo.com:

And here’s another note from TPM Reader TB. I guess I’m really not sure quite how to characterize it …

I think people really are missing the point about McCain’s failure to look at Obama. McCain was afraid of Obama. It was really clear–look at how much McCain blinked in the first half hour. I study monkey behavior–low ranking monkeys don’t look at high ranking monkeys. In a physical, instinctive sense, Obama owned McCain tonight and I think the instant polling reflects that.

So McCain may have given away his status as a low-ranking monkey. I’d never even considered monkey rank.

Late Monkey Science Update: In case anyone’s wondering, I looked up TPM Reader TB’s page at the University he teaches at. And no doubt about it, he appears to be a genuine monkey scientist, or to be more specific a researcher on social cognition and behavior in primates. I’d link to his page. But readers remain anonymous, save for their initials, until they tell us otherwise.

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/220226.php

New movies: Do we need ‘em?

Alright. Karl here. Just returned from Boston, USA. Was there with me mate, Ricky. He’s shooting his new film, This Side of the Truth. Don’t really know what it’s about. Don’t really care. If you ask me there’s too many movies out there. When was the first movie made? I think it was like, in the 1800’s or summat. Dunno. Anyway, there’s probably hundreds out there. Maybe even thousands. I’m sayin’, what haven’t they covered yet? It’s all been done before. Forget it. If you ask me, you shouldn’t be able to make a new movie until you’ve seen all the old ones. When a director or a writer goes to a studio and says, “I wanna make a film,” the first thing they should ask him is, “Have you seen every other movie ever made? No? Then what are you doing here?”

I’m not sure people know what goes into a movie. It’s mental. Just tons of actors, extras, sets, costumes. And that’s just the stuff you see on the screen. Then there’s the crew, the caterers, the lawyers. Some people paid just to stand around for hours a day. Months at a time. Too much hassle. Why make a new one? Go to a Blockbuster and rent an old one. Save everyone the time and money. Let people get on with their lives. Especially me. I went out to America because I thought I was going to be giving Ricky some ideas for the plot. Maybe helping Clive Warren and Rebecca DeMornay with their characters. But they’re not even in the film. Turns out I wasn’t even there to help. I was just meant to play a bald caveman. I’ve said enough. Just watch these clips. You can see for yourself.

I got back to London to see an interesting bit of news on the internet. Well, actually it was a few days old. So it wasn’t actually news. It was olds. Anyway…finally, people are starting to agree with me that they’re too many words out there. I could go on. But…there’s too many words out there. Said before. So just read it for yourself.

Chimpanzee That: Monkey News

Alright? Karl here. Bit of monkey news.

Right, so…in Indonasia, or wherever..I dunno, somewhere’s over in that part of the world. The Asian world an’ that. The Orient. Orioles. Orient. Whatever. Ehhhhh….there’s these monkeys. Apparently…you know how there’s been ehhhhh, like, alot of talk about iPods an’ that. Well, the iPods have really gotten popular in Asia. So much so that even monkeys are getting ‘em. They like the iPod coz they can listen to the podcasts. I dunno how many there are, but there’s lots of them. Podcasts on everything. And apparently…the monkeys have been favoring the shows on finance an’ that. And…they’ve listened to the news programs or whatever. So not only are the monkeys, like…getting information on economics. But, they’ve also heard stories about how in certain countries, prostitution makes alot of money. So the monkeys starting thinking…”We’re always ‘aving it away. Shagging ‘an that.” So, they put two and three together. Easy. Charge for it. Make some money. Said before.

So now….there’s all these monkeys with money. Money monkeys. Yeah, you say it’s not true. But it’s on the web. Check it out yourself.