Cognitive Dissonance Vol. 2 – Mizzou

Perhaps by now, some of you have heard of this insanely idiotic thing that Missouri State Representative Cynthia Davis (R) said in her weekly newsletter on June 4.

Obviously, everyone is responding to her statement that “…hunger can be a positive motivator.” But I found more humor in what she managed to say in the same breath, as she continued to comment on the Summer Food Service news release, to wit:

The problem of childhood obesity has been cited as one of the most rapidly growing health problems in America. People who are struggling with lack of food usually do not have an obesity problem.

Followed immediately by…

What is wrong with the idea of getting a job so you can get better meals? Tip: If you work for McDonald’s, they will feed you for free during your break.

Yeah, lemme tell you. Nothing kills obesity germs quite like a Double Quarter-Pounder w/ Cheese. Hey lady, you can’t really be so dumb as to think that there are no poor fat kids in this country, can you? Look around. They’re everywhere.

After you take note of the 10 or 12 that are probably within 100 yards of you at this very moment, stop and ask yourself this question:

“Is there some correlation between fast food value meals and underprivileged obese children? Hennnnggghhh???”

Fail.

The Mid-day Bacon.

Personally, I think bacon has a new PR guy. It’s just slayin’ folks around here. Check it…

Bacon sandwich really does cure a hangover.

Or so the Brits say. Who cares? Bacon!

[Lifehacker]

Como se dice “Con huevos”?

Things are still running summer-high here at The Shady Enterprise. (Yes, I know I’ve already mentioned it in the past month. I expect I’ll mention it at least twice more before the end of July.)

One of the unfortunate side effects is I tend to find myself spending too much time at the office and not enough time taking care of little things like grocery shopping, which frequently contributed to another unfortunate side effect I like to call “the drive-thru syndrome.” I tend to into a rut of getting home late, having a fistful of bourbon for dinner, waking up relatively late and starving, the obvious solution to which is hitting one of the fast food heavyweights’ drive-thrus on my way out to the office in West Virginia.

Pleasures of the flesh.

…and lead us not to temptation. But deliver us from evil.

You know, I made a good faith effort to get away from all the junk food of Dupont Circle when I moved to upper Adams Morgan. Of course, DCUSA had already started to replicate all the sweet wholesome goodness unhealthy meal choices that were available to me before. It started with Potbelly. It’s now come full circle. Five Guys is officially open.

Thanks…I think I’ll take another route.

Here’s a bit of irony for you folks. I was at the Adams Morgan Safeway yesterday picking up a few things and couldn’t help but notice that there were mounds of tomatoes being sold. Hey that’s fine. I know not all of them are tainted and some sellers are more confident than others in their produce sources. I’d like to give them all the benefit of the doubt that they know what they’re doing.

But I still wasn’t sure about buying until I got some verbal assurances. So while standing at the deli, waiting for my roast beef and turkey, I mentioned it to the two guys helping me.

Me: “So I see you’re selling tomatoes over there. I take it they’re safe.”
Guy #1: “Huh?”
Me: “I say I see the tomatoes out. You guys must have some of the good ones.”
Guy #1: “Man, what is this junk I keep hearin’ about all dees damn tomatoes?!?!”
Guy #2: “Sum’ about them making people sick or sum’.
Me: Yeah…alot have been infected with salmonella. People are getting real sick.”
Guy #1: “Well…I dunno about all dat stuff. But I know Safeway wouldn’t be selling a vegetable…”
Me: “Fruit.”
Guy #1: “Uhhh…fruit…uhhh…that’s got sam…salm…sam…”
Me: “Salmonella.”
Guy #1: “Yeah…salmonella. They wouldn’t do that. I’m sure you ‘aight.”
Me: “Ok, great! Thanks!”

Suffice to say, I walked right past the tomatoes again.

Only in San Francisco?

CLUB/THEATER: San Francisco’s most mentally unstable and drug-addled tranny show, “Charlie Horse,” always puts on a most festive show every Friday nights. But tonight it gets better as they salute clinical obesity with “Trans Fat.” Former Miss Trannyshack Anna Conda hosts fat performances by Holy McGrail, Lady Bear, Monistat, Daffney Deluxe, Hoku Mama, Jupiter, Joi deVivre, and No See Um. (No See Um, by the way, is doing attribute to Jenny Craig, so she asks you to show up with food to throw at her while she performs. Tomatoes anyone?)

Yes, we have no tomatoes.

Man, this tomato debacle is putting a serious kink in my dining chakra. Between Potbelly, the NatGeo cafeteria, and Five Guys, my meals just aren’t up to snuff lately.

But what concerns me the most is that Cosi had absolutely no problem putting some red on my turkey alfredo sandwich last night. I don’t feel so good.

Hey, Levy…you got Marlo off and The Wire is over. Whaddaya gonna do now???

 

Tough love.

We all know parenting isn’t easy. As I enter my thirties and see more and more of my friends have kids, I start realize just what my parents went through to raise me. But as difficult as it is, it doesn’t call for this type of behavior. Courtesy of DCist’s weekly Overheard in DC series:

Giant Food in Columbia Heights around noon last Friday:

Mom pushing two kids, one of whom was clearly school age.

Girl points to cereal box featuring children’s book character Arthur the Aardvark.
Girl: “Look Mom, it’s Arthur, I love Arthur. I get to read about him in Sunday School.”
Mom: “No shit Sherlock, you think I don’t know who Arthur is? Bitch. I know who Arthur is. Fuck… Sunday School! Arthur? Bitch.”

This was particularly funny/disturbing to me because I witnessed a very similar exchange myself a few years ago. I’m standing in line at my favorite Popeye’s Chicken location in New Orleans, specifically the one at the corner of Carrollton and Earhart, when a lady and her son step up to the counter:

Mom: “Yeah, gimme a 12-piece family meal with mash potatoes and biscuits.”
Boy: “Momma, I want some popcorn shrimp.”
Mom: “Then go get a fuckin’ job and buy some popcorn shrimp.”
Boy: “I’m only four years old.”
Mom: “Sheeeeeeuuuuut.”

Labor laws aside…is that really the best way to raise a child, by not only denying them the deliciousness of Popeye’s popcorn shrimp, but also flat-out talking shit to them? I’m sorry, I know the age-old adage “It takes a village…” has fallen by the wayside in the 21st century. But I’m fairly certain that I had the legal authority to punch this lady in the back of the head.