There’s balls…

…and then there’s Southeast DC balls.

Teens Break Into Fire Station…Steal Uniform, Firefighter’s Car.

[DCist]

Why we can’t have nice things…

Like a shitload of snow. Why?

Because DC cops LOSE THEIR FUCKING MINDS.

Lt. Overreact Much aka Detective Baylor

Yeah, so. Not sure if you saw on any of the major websites today. But today a veteran MPD detective decided the best way to defuse a completely friendly snowball fight at the intersection of 14th and U was to get out of his Hummer and start waving his gun at civilians.

As you do.

Oh, and he saved everyone the trouble and went ahead and admitted it on video.

So it’s cool, you guys. You don’t have to be afraid of balls of frozen water. DC’s finest is out there kickin’ snow’s ass.

Double standards.

And by double, I mean deuce.

You know, I’d be okay with all the “Keep your dog off the grass” signs if behavior like the above didn’t go completely fucking ignored. Check that shit out. Literally. NOBODY IS EVEN LOOKING AT HIM.

And they call us animals. Maybe we should be following you around with baggies.

[Google Street View via DCist]

Stranger than fiction.

Honestly, folks…you couldn’t write this shit.

Fatal Attraction.

Here in les États Unis, we often try to scare the masses into practicing safe sex with the old adage: “When you have sex with someone, you’re also having sex with everyone that person has had sex with…” and so on and so on.

The French are a little less subtle…

Little known fact: Of the entire Chelicerata subphylum, arachnids are by far the best in the sack.

Ads like this might be apropos around here, given these new figures.

[why.i.hate.dc]