Not so funny now, is it?

Look what went down in the Clizzle-dizzle this morning.

Perhaps the Arlington Rap isn’t as satirical as we thought…

Oh who are we kidding. The A-Town Rap is still dead on and pretty funny. Here’s hoping the Apple employee is okay.

Stranger than fiction.

Honestly, folks…you couldn’t write this shit.

Crime pays.

It pays very well, in fact.

Victimized at a medium pace.

Talk about having your night ruined. You’re just sitting at home, minding your own business, rubbing one out. And then Jack Horner bursts in and totally throws off your chakra. If that wasn’t bad enough, he kills your dog on his way out. One last “fuck you” from the guerrilla filmmaker.

Jesus. First of all, how was the guy able to take the time to feed shrooms to the dog? Why wasn’t the victim beating this guy down with all his nudeness? Second, why did he feel it necessary to report exactly what he was doing at the time? Third, who the hell wrote this, the editor’s five-year old son? And finally…WTF????

A quick search on the ohio.com website didn’t turn up the original snippet, but it did bring back some other interesting results. Something tells me there’s alot of gems in there:

Domestic disputes: A Frost Road man called 911 June 26 to report that his wife was being disrespectful. He told police she was drinking a beer while cooking his dinner. Because she was over 21, he was advised that she could drink a beer. Police also warned him about misusing 911.

h/t to my friend Harrison for sending me this.