Deporter reminisces…

Where have I heard this before?

Yawn

Since there is no likable team in the Bowl this year (sorry Pack – that includes you), Puppy Bowl it is…

 

 

Go Saints!!

 

Stop making the rest of us look bad

I can’t walk up the Dupont escalator without blowing out both knees.

From CNN…

Man runs marathon every day for a year

 

(CNN) — He already holds the honor of being the only person to complete 20 Iron Man triathlons in a single year, but now Belgian athlete Stefaan Engels has claimed another world record by running 365 marathons in as many days.

Engels completed his year-long mission at the Carretera de les aigues race in Barcelona on Saturday.

The “Marathon Man” has covered a distance of 9,569 miles (15,401 kilometers) since setting off from his home town of Ghent on February 5 2010, participating in races in Spain, Portugal, Canada, Mexico, Britain and United States, as well as several in his native country.

The 49-year-old has smashed the previous record of the most marathons run in one year, which according to the Guinness Book of World Records was held by 65-year-old Akinori Kusuda — who ran 52 consecutive races in 2009.

I don’t regard my marathon year as torture. It is more like a regular job
–Stefaan Engels

But in a statement on his official website, the former graphic designer played down his amazing feat.

“I don’t regard my marathon year as torture. It is more like a regular job. I am running just as Joe Average goes to work on Monday morning, whether or not he feels like it,” he said.

“I don’t always feel like running, but when I am done, I take a shower, have some physiotherapy for an hour, and that wraps up my day.”

Engels suffered from asthma as a child and was told he would never be able to do exercize. It was then that he decided he would start running the grueling 26.2-mile (42.195 kilometers) discpline.

He said he hopes to inspire others to take up exercize, and has encouraged people to run marathons with him in the past.

 

On an unrelated note, you may be wondering why Deporter is posting all of a sudden after years not paying attention to the Ramble.  It is part of my concerted effort to post inane internet stories until the Dude moves back home…

 

Next up:  live blogging the new season of Degrassi on TeenNick.

Set the TiVo

QUESTION:

What do you get when you put these people in the same room:

A deaf actress

Meat Loaf – the singer, not the entrée

A rapper (HaWhaat?  Okaaaayyy!!)

A soap star

A former teen idol

A singer-turned-entertainment-show-host

A Jackson

A model

…and GARY BUSEY????

ANSWER:

The best season of Celebrity Apprentice.  Woot.  Did I mention Gary Busey??  This is what I do while the Dude is away.

 

 

 

Don’t get me started on the new season of Toddlers & Tiaras.

I was irritated to find an email in my real gmail account from THIS GUY.

Is this thing on?

I smell…

… a rat.

Baby Cop Killa*

So, I was in Seattle this past week making up words to say in front of the Ninth Circuit…you know, the usual.

While there, I ventured out to a comedy club in the burbs (literally in a strip mall) – keepin it classy, Seattle.  The truth is that a friend of a friend is comedian and he was hosting at the club and let me and my co-worker in for free (plus a Jell-o shot.  Again, keepin it classy).

Anywho, I saw Shane Mauss (pronounced “Moss” – he’s sensitive about that).  Here is a little clip.  Who does he remind you of?  Maybe a slower, less bright Mylephnt?  Cause I couldn’t stop thinking of Leph the entire time I was at this show…

*The other guests with Shane on Conan were Ice-T and Dwane Wade.  He was joking about how between himself, Conan, and Wade, Ice-T looked like a “Baby Cop Killa”.  Maybe it was funnier in person?  You had to be in a strip mall to get it.

Hell yeah we are…

Haven’t had a stressful day in years.  Huh.

Why women with love handles are better at dealing with stress

Independent women who have a bit of a tum may enjoy significant health advantages over hourglass-shaped sirens, says a 37-nation study in the journal, Current Anthropology.

Elizabeth Cashdan, a Utah University anthropologist, says that being wasp-waisted can carry a sting – it may mean missing out on the hormones that make women physically stronger, more competitive and better able to deal with stress.

Her study shows that across the world, women’s average waist-to-hip ratio is higher than the magic number of 0.7, the upper threshold of a classic hourglass figure – and the shape long thought by anthropologists to be a sexually mesmerising sign of fertility.

But why, asked Cashdan, are women globally bigger than the size supposed to bring optimum mating success? She searched for another factor and arrived at androgens, a class of hormones that includes testosterone.

Androgens increase the waist-to-hip ratio in women by boosting levels of visceral fat, which is carried around the waist. Raised levels of androgens are linked to increased strength, stamina and competitiveness in women, says Cashdan. “These effects may be particularly useful where a woman must depend on her own resources to support herself and her family.”

Trading the benefits of a thin waist for better ability to be independently resourceful may prove a good deal in many societies, she adds – and this in turn may alter male preferences.

Thus, in Japan, Portugal and Greece, where women tend to be less economically independent, the men say they place a higher value on a thin waist than do men in Britain or Denmark, where there tends to be more sexual equality.

And in some non-Western societies where food is scarce

and women bear most of the responsibility for finding it, men prefer larger waist-to-hip ratios.

“Whether men prefer a waist-to-hip ratio associated with lower or higher androgen levels should depend on the degree to which they want their mates to be strong, tough, economically successful and politically competitive,” Cashdan hypothesises.

And anyway, she adds waspishly: “From a woman’s perspective, men’s preferences aren’t the only thing that matters.”

As long as we’re talking birds, part 2…

My new favorite family guy episode. This Thanksgiving…give the turkey the bird.

Redemption

I was feeling disappointed by the state-that-raised-me when I saw Nebraska’s electoral map…

And, my discomfort makes makes sense when compared to the district-in-which-I-currently-reside…

However, I have was totally redeemed when I saw in the Omaha World Herald, that FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY, Nebraska may split its electoral votes.  Omaha, my fine city, will go for Obama.  As of today, Omaha’s one vote is the lone hold-out, as Missouri and North Carolina have now been projected.

Obama is not the only one making history.

OMAHA ’08!  Uh, I mean, OBAMA ’08!

Woof Woof

Barney lashes out.  Can you blame him?  A newer, cuter, fluffier puppy is moving in.  Yes we can.

My favorite part is the sassy commentary.

Do you know the “real” Sarah Palin?

One is a drag queen strutting down 17th Street in Dupont Circle, D.C.

One is potentially the next Vice President of the United States.

Can you tell the difference?

I’m no dog whisperer, but…

…my dog is saying “John McCain, you suck.”  You can see it in his eyes.  He’s pissed.  I try to console him, but he swears that he’s packing up his snausages and moving to Canada if McCain gets elected.  And, he’s got connections, I can just deport him there if I so choose.

Stay out of my state. Period.

From the Omaha World Herald…

“Palin’s visit to Nebraska comes as national polls show that McCain is struggling in the presidential race. It also comes as Obama makes a historic bid to win one of Nebraska’s electoral votes – the first time a Democrat has competed in this Republican stronghold in four decades.

Democrats and others have said Palin’s visit to Nebraska indicates that McCain can’t even count on traditional red states like Nebraska this year.

Palin denied that, saying she asked to come to the Midwest.

‘The pundits were saying, Check out where she’s going. She’s going to Nebraska. The pundits were saying, The only reason she would be going there is because they’re scared. They have to shore up votes,’ Palin said.

‘I so wanted to reach into that TV and say no. I’m going to Nebraska because I want to go to Nebraska,’ Palin said.”

————————

First of all, nobody goes to Nebraska because they want to go to Nebraska.  I would know.  Own up and tell the great people of Nebraska that you are there because you and your running mate are scared shitless that you are about to lose the presidency to a black man with terrorist ties.  That’s right, your proverbial goose is slowly cooking. You stopped off in Nebraska to campaign for one measly electoral vote in a solidly red state.  Sad.

Second, I had never made this connection before but seeing some dumbass present Palin with a University of Nebraska – Omaha Mavericks Hockey jersey really killed me.  Why?  Because it made me resent my darling little niece in this picture…

It says “ador-a-bull:  Future UNO alum.”   My niece is still ador-a-bull, but now I associate the UNO Mavericks with a bat-shit-crazy wolf hunter from Alaska.  Sigh.   Puppykiller Palin ’08.

Deporter, out.